At Last!

Has it really been two and a half months since I last wrote? Early December I rented a car and headed north to one of my favorite spots on earth, Mendocino. The drive there winds through vineyards, redwood forests, ending at last with the rugged California coast.....breath-taking!

Making my way alone, in the midst of chemo, was something I felt I needed to do. The trip was in no means simply for pleasure, I sat through two days of lectures on the science of raw food which I immensely enjoyed. It was so good to get my brain moving and it also got me back on a healthier food path. Unfortunately, I couldn't finish the class because my first Taxol treatment was due that week.

Am I ever glad I had that little breather before Taxol hit! I sailed through Adriamycin and Cytoxan, but Taxol? OMG! That drug wiped me out for the entire month of December. From menstrual-type cramps to eye pain to bone pain to incontinence to tachycardia - definitely the worst month of my life, so bad in fact, after consulting with my oncologist, I called it off.

After extensive research on the drug, I found that Taxol is most effective in treating metastatic disease, something I do NOT have. I decided to ask my oncologist if the PET scan could be repeated and she agreed that was a good idea. A few months earlier there was much controversy about several "worrisome" hot spots and what do you know, the second scan showed everything to be completely clear.

With my daughter by my side, I told the oncologist my decision to stop any further chemo and to proceed directly to radiation. I expected her to try to convince me otherwise, but instead she upheld my decision, gave me a big hug, told me to push forward and never look back.

I have been doing just that - ten of 33 radiation treatments are now complete. I should be back home in Michigan no later than the first of April....yippee!!

Everyday I feel better. The bouts of tachycardia lasted many weeks, as did the weakness, but now I am pretty much back to my normal self. And my hair has finally decided to begin growing! However, the color is darker than I ever remember it and my eyebrows are looking a bit bushy. Will I still be curly??

Sleep remains a major problem which is why I am writing tonight.....

The Half-Way Mark!

Today was the mid-point for my chemo regime - fortunately, no major sickness yet.....nor will there be since, I have affirmed there will not be. The only thing that plagues me is my homesickness and I suppose I must start thinking more positively about that as well. Who in their right mind would trade Redwood City weather in February for Birmingham, Michigan? Yeah, I gotta re-think this state of mind!

I am enjoying a most lovely time having my two daughters from NYC with me these past few days - one leaves Friday afternoon, the other early Saturday morning, so not much longer. After they leave, I will tell you about the best birthday celebration I can remember this past Saturday, but right now I am unable to sleep because of the chemo and can think of nothing else quiet to do in this little cottage which will not disturb at this time of the morning, except typing in the dark.

Tomorrow we are supposed to walk with my fitness group for 3 miles at 7AM, if I get to sleep before then. The girls are making Thanksgiving dinner - Mama has been delegated the kale salad only which is just fine with me. I taught them well (along with a little help from Cordon Bleu Paris) and lots of major parties over the years at home, all prepared by me with their help. Thanksgiving has always been our favorite holiday and this year we are altogether and have so much more to be thankful for.

My best holiday wishes to all of you!

HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY TO ME - Get your Mammograms!

Sicky Poo

Well, I guess it's been a few days....I have not been feeling so well, mostly just really tired, but my eyes watered constantly for about two days and then a gigantic cold sore popped up on my lower lip, my belly has been killing me, but tonight I am feeling again more or less "normal".

Saturday again we had our weekly outing into the City. One of my cousin's favorite restaurants in "Yank Sing", the #1 choice of dim sum in the "Best of" category. I didn't feel much like eating, but I did enjoy the pea pods and my favorite, their perfectly dressed cole slaw.....YUM!

The day was perfect, a cloudless 82 degrees. Views of the City from Ft. Baker were magnificent; however, this weekend I suffered some of the worst homesickness I have ever felt - I don't miss cold, dreary weather, but I do miss Papa Joe's, Plum, Pita Cafe, Whistle Stop, my cute little house and all of my dear friends. Despite this beauty, March cannot come soon enough......I want to get on with my life.

The idea of calm exists in a sitting cat. -- Jules Renard

And this is what I will think about today.......

Round # Three!

Good Morning, Everyone!

Fall has arrived in Redwood City. It's chilly here this morning - no sun yet, maybe later, but there are still roses blooming. A beautiful yellow one is spreading its petals outside my bedroom window with more buds on the way. I must say, this environment sure helps the medicine go down a lot easier.

Today is round #3 of the adriamycin and cytoxan and I have already drunk one liter of water and hope to get another down before I go. Last time my veins were playing hide and seek which was not a fun game. This time I decided to increase my fluid intake, go for a walk which I am nearly ready to do and repeat over and over in my head, positive affirmations.....I do NOT want a port! The nurse assured me last time that my veins would make it through this, but I have decided to do everything I can to make sure that is realized.

I look forward to completing this round and to being that much closed to going home. Rolling and stretching this evening....Birmingham here I come!!

A Little More Info, plus a Bit of a Rant......

A good day for the most part yesterday, afebrile. I researched chemo and fever and came up with something I had not heard of before - chemo itself can illicit flu-like symptoms without a white cell drop (neutropenia) and of those chemo patients experiencing fever, a definite source of infection is found in only about half.

This is interesting for several reasons: (1) Even before I researched this, I told my cousin yesterday that I felt the fever was somehow directly related to the chemo, because ordinarily if I have ever in my life had even the slightest fever, I remember always feeling miserable - with this fever I didn't feel sick at all and that made no sense to me. My skin hurt a little, but 102 fever and no feeling of sickness? Weird. (2) Again, no information from any of my docs that this could happen....and in fact, not even one word about the possibility of neutropenia and its consequences. I only knew because of the experience I had years ago with my mother.

Before anyone gets huffy about my comparison of California vs. Michigan medicine, let me make one point perfectly clear, unfortunately, they all have one thing in common, they keep the patient in the dark most of the time. I have had to do all my own research on chemotherapy, diet and exercise, and now the possible side effects of chemo.

Not one doc has yet told me anything about my left arm being at risk for lymphedema. If I weren't a lymphatic therapist, I would have no idea. The most said, and only by my surgeon in MI and also my surgeon here, is that they didn't want me to do "too many" exercise repetitions with my left arm - that's it, nothing more...shocking! I have not probed deeper on this topic, because for my own "research" purposes, I want to know what information is given the typical patient. (None of them know my background - that I have worked for years with cancer patients, that I am a CancerGuide, a lymphatic therapist and have developed my own movement and laughter program for cancer survivors.)

I also found it sad and pathetic that I had to bat lab techs and nurses away from my left arm the other night at Stanford - they were determined to draw blood, start IV's or take BP's from it. I feel like having "DO NOT EVEN THINK OF TOUCHING THIS ARM" tattooed on it (of course, I will leave the tattooing only for my eyebrow which also are falling out fast!)

I can only say working with cancers survivors and being one are two completely different things. Perhaps this is what I needed in order to be truly effective and therapeutic in my approach.