Monday, May 3, 2010
A year later.....
and what a year it has been!
My daughter, Sara, set this blog up for me when I first left for California and treatment in September 2008, because she thought it would be therapeutic for me to more or less journal my thoughts, feelings, activities. It was good, but back then, often I was too tired to say much - I was in such a mental fog at the time.
This past weekend she was with me again here in Michigan. As we were talking and I was saying I really had no clear idea of what I should do next with my life, she pushed away from the table and with a little smirk on her face, she looked up at me with those incredibly gorgeous eyes of hers and quietly said, "Mama, I think you need to blog...and somehow, it will come to you." I started to make excuses, but I knew she was right. I need to start somewhere, why not here?
It's been a pretty wild ride since last I wrote. The best laid plans...I was not warned of cardiac issues after chemo and radiation. Well, yes, it was mentioned, but I was told not to worry - it would be at least 10 years before any problems might arise, wrong!
Many weeks during the summer my crazily beating heart exhausted me completely. I dragged myself to my business and then tried to keep myself awake driving home - it was not good. These days my heart has calmed down considerably...or maybe I am just getting used to it.
Then for no good reason, starting mid-December, everything began falling apart. Once again, I lost my old home which I was renovating for a cancer retreat, my old business, then my own personal home, as well as my health insurance all within a three-month period (memo to self, never again try to work with your ex!). Truly, I thought the world was coming to an end. Cardiac irregularities were replaced with panic attacks and sleepless nights - it was a massive dose of "not good".
Beside myself, wondering how I would recover massive amounts of money poured into my old house and business, staring at an $80,000 medical bill, as well as wondering how I could possibly manage financing a new home, did not make the new year look very promising.
One sleepless night, stretching my arms and eyes heavenward, I said aloud, "I have no idea what to do. Please show me the way." And that is when everything began to change. Two days later I walked into this gorgeous home.....and today I am happily settled here. "Not my will, but Yours...."