Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Time for another Chemical Cocktail......

I am doing something I vowed for the past 20 years I would never do, take any form of chemotherapy. For maybe the first two weeks after my diagnosis I was pretty much convinced that I would not allow anyone come close to me with chemo.....and now I am ready for round two.

Although the depression I suffered following my divorce 7 years ago had greatly improved ever since I began laughing, it still had a way of taking control, so initially the thought of cancer sounded like an easy way out for me. At the time, I really didn't care whether I lived or died - I just wanted all of "this" to be over, but that would have been way too easy.

Suddenly life had handed me a major challenge and it didn't take me long to realize, despite my former feelings about chemo, that I needed to put my full faith and trust into the medical profession. What I also realized is that I did want to live....and not just live, but live better than I had in a very long time.

So, here I am outside of San Francisco surrounded by everything I need to realize that. This is not the end by any means, but the beginning of a very new and wonderful life.

I still am not convinced that chemo is the only way to go, but at this time, I can't argue with research statistics - Chemo #2, here I come!


sara meli said...

Of course you're going to live! How could you ever think you were going to do otherwise?! You will live and live well, and happily, and healthfully, and you will be loved and give your love...And you have so much beautiful and useful knowledge to share with so many people...you owe it to yourself and to everyone to share it.

I love you mommy and am so proud of you! You are doing great and you are stronger and steelier than you think.

I miss you and can't wait to see you!!!! Big Hugs, Sara

sara meli said...

A thought on your beauty and capability, from Nelson Mandela:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
(Used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech)